Fear of the Unknown
While reading in my study one summer, I had an experience that affected my thinking process, and produced emotions that were difficult to deal with. The event triggered “what if” thinking that caused negative feelings to spiral out of control. Conquering the fear that emerged was necessary before relaxing in my own home, became possible. Forgiveness can be difficult when we won’t or seemingly can’t let go of negative thinking.
It was a warm summer night and I was reading in the study, when I heard noises outside. Telling myself that the dog was banging around, I returned to my reading. Then I heard another noise and reasoned that the horses were playing with one of the water tanks. Hearing a noise coming from the kitchen, I went to investigate, only to see and hear nothing more. As I returned to the study, there was a loud crash. Someone was outside and now had broken the window beside the chair I was sitting in just seconds ago!
Nothing like this had ever happened at our place. The thought of a neighbor, murdered in her home, some years before, pulled my thinking in a bad direction. Then a series of thoughts floated by – what if I hadn’t locked the back door? How would I have felt if, I had been sitting on the porch swing, when he came around the corner? What would have happened if I had had that window open, as I often did when reading at night?
Nothing happened to us. Even so – my “what if” thinking caused the fear and the anxiety that I brought upon myself to be nearly unbearable. I experienced one negative thought after another until fear seemed to be my only emotion. For weeks, when nighttime approached, my paranoid thinking would start. I jumped at every noise, and reading in the study was out of the question!
Fears of unknown variables are counter-productive and, the experiences that they create overwhelm the senses, without accomplishing anything. A few weeks ago, we received a restitution check from the young man who broke the window in our home, and I realized that all does work out for good, when we allow ourselves to let go, and forgive.
Wouldn’t it be great if we could eliminate the “What If” syndrome from our lives?
Life would, clearly, be a more relaxed adventure if we weren’t always second guessing ourselves…but we all do it, every day.
Your story gave me a chill. Well written.